I am frustrated today because from the moment I got up, I wanted to eat everything and anything I could find. It had to be sweet, chocolate, fattening. Why? I wish I could give that standard answer that comes out of the mouths of children...and husbands...I Don't Know...because that would be so much easier then getting to the heart of the matter.
The truth is I don't always know why I do what I do, but each day I am more aware of the choices I am making. And this choice, to over do, over eat, over indulge is not a good one. Not when what I really want is to be able to do a hand stand, maybe a few cartwheels. I want to get on a plane and not worry about whether or not the seat belt is going to fit. I want to be able to walk a mile or three if I want to without worrying if I will make it back. I want to sit in a chair because it looks comfortable without the hidden worry of if I will be able to get back up out of the chair when its time to go. I want so much out of my life, that I am much more aware of the eating. I am learning to make better choices, to choose to savor the meal, slow down, eat less because I am enjoying it and not eating simply to deal with an emotion I can't explain. If I do this, I won't get that. CHOICES.
I don't get it right every day and today was one of those days. But tomorrow promises to be better because I am much more aware of why I do what I do.
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