I don't need you to tell me...

Today, someone visting our office referenced his assistant as his "chubby cherub". When said it sounded like a term of endearment. Then my boss said "He must be talking about you". I was hurt and angry. He, as he has done in the past, was drawing attention to my size. He is ignorant to what he says and how it affects others. And today, I stood up to him. Today, I asked why he would think that. I forced him to respond to his answer. It was uncomfortable because I was drawing attention not only to him, but to me as well. But I did it. No one has the right to belittle or demean others. NO ONE. We take it normally because to speak up would draw attention to ourselves. It would make us appear larger not only in size but just larger in the room. And larger, is something we don't want to draw attention to. We spend our time hiding. If we are going to live large, we might as well as live LARGE fully. If we are LARGE than it is okay and it is acceptable. Is it healthy? We know its not, but do we need others telling us what we already know? Do we need others paying attention to it? I am saying no to the community voice that makes obesity bad, or wrong, or unworthy of life's treasures. Yes, obesity is a disease that is killing many people. And yes, we need to do all we can to become healthier and stronger. But not for anyone else but for ourselves. There are a lot of people involved in the decision. Our family, friends, children, loved ones. The longer we stay around the more joy we can experience. But obesity should not be a dirty word, a RED LETTER, that allows people to be demeaning.

From this day forward, I am giving my all to myself, my WORTH. I am worth my weight in GOLD and I am not going to settle for less because I am a LARGE woman. I am not going to settle ever again. I will speak up against rudeness, prejudice, criticism. I am a People Builder, an uplifter, an encourager. I am my own voice, my own success, my own joy, my own person. I am a LARGE Woman. Larger than you know. So those of you who think you know how to help me lose weight, or feel the need to remind me that I am fat...watch out, because I am speaking up.

It's time to be a uplifter.

Learning to read a map...

I began exercising a bit more when I took up photography again. Fascinated with eagles, I had to be able to walk to find ways to get some really good pictures. I found a nearby park, checked out their easiest of trails and began walking to various points where eagles had been spotted. It was about a mile walk if I went all the way around, but usually I walked the 1/2 mile. Yesterday, I heard about a new Eagle Blind and decided to try a new trail. Its been about a year and I was getting tired of the same old places. So, I looked at the map, and figured I could handle a 1.2 mile trip. Half way through the walk, I realized two things. I had actually headed on the wrong trail adding an additional mile, and the 1.2 mile trek was only the one way distance. Not good. In fact BIG MISTAKE. Immediately my body began to shut down with negative comments. How could I be so stupid? I will never make it. And so on. The more negative I became, the more pain and exhaustion I felt. I had not planned this well. No food. No water. And yet, I couldn't quit. I had to get to the end.

And I did. Heading back the pain was more pronounced. I felt like I had a hiking boot one size too small. My back was killing, my knees ached. I began mentally challenging myself positively. You can do this, look at what you have already accomplished. You can do this.

I did make it. Sweatly, achey, and practically in tears. One thing this fat girl does not want to do is ask for help because of her weight. So I trudged along feeling sorry for myself, but taking one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other.

When I got to the car, I began to cry. I think I was afraid. I had faced the fear. I had made it. I was exhausted. I went home that day, feeling weary, yet thinking about what was possible. What I might be able to do next time, how I plan to prepare better, and so on.

Will I do that again in the near future? Probably not on my own. But I now know what I can do, that I can go beyond my 1 mile limit and succeed, so yes, I will continue to do more than I have done in the past. You can too.

I am Worth My Weight In Gold, You are too!

This topic started so innocently for me. I have been on the journey to finding myself in my career, my relationships, my every day life of getting up in the morning and getting going. I am 50, overweight, (well actually I think they have coined the term "Obese", isn't that a lovely word?), I have had gastric bypass surgery, I have struggled with alcoholism and have been sober for 3 years now, and I am on a journey. One that I wouldn't quite call a yellow brick road, or a road paved of gold. At times the journey seems to be through quick sand and other times a walk in the park. The journey has held all the emotions imaginable from tears of joy, to buckets of sadness, and it has caused a loss of friends while also gained some new ones.

What has been amazing through it all has been my continued growth, my increased faith and reliance on God for most of the answers, and a path that I actually look forward to following.

I decided to begin writing my journey here, recording it so that I can look back on what I have learned, done, achieved, succeeded at and perhaps at times fallen short of. I am also writing this because I strongly believe that there are others out there who are experiencing the same fears, challenges and successes and we need to being to realize that we are WORTH OUR WEIGHT IN GOLD. So let's take the labels off, and let's begin inspiring ourselves and others to be WORTH OUR WEIGHT IN GOLD.

I hope to learn something from everyone I meet here.